my infatuation with dracula.
i remember watching that movie back in the days with my girlfriends. somehow, seductively and sadistically speaking, when gary sucks winona's blood, i can almost feel that intensifying exchange of life and soul myself. Maybe the idealistic girl in me can just suspend herself in disbelief, that moments of being completely vulnerable and still so giving (even to the last drop of life) to an eternal being of control...of course overwhelmed with passion...can be so enticing even for full submission. it's so sexy! so yes, i have romanticized the idea of being double-hole-punched on the side of my neck, while losing blood through, obviously, a slow and painful death.
i felt it yesterday morning. not that giving blood was a form of real-life dracula scenario, but spending more than 30 minutes on that bed while others usually only take between 5-20 minutes to donate a pint, i felt the need to romanticize AND justify my situation a bit. Four people who were poked later left earlier. The nurse, getting somewhat impatient, intermittenly pranced around the side of my bed, asking if I was okay and telling me that i was doing a great job. Doing a great job? I was thinking...I wasn't even DOING anything, but lying there, completely lifeless and motionless. it was my first time. okay, being 23 already, i'm considered late in being a good humanitarian---only because when ARC had their blood drives, i was always living at home and my ultra-traditional chinese parents always worried that my blood donation would make me lose my memory or energy for the upcoming midterms and finals. alas, i'm on my own and an opportunity arises. trust me, i've always wanted to donate and i've explained to my parents how great it'd be to cleanse my system, but somehow, yesterday morning, i was nervous...extremely nervous. to my friend sitting right beside me, i whispered: "i'm really scared." a girl who had been drained for the last 15 minutes turned her head around, smiled and said: "awww....don't be." i felt so ridiculously young.
while still lying on that bed, i suddenly saw my friend M wanting to faint. Instantly 6 doctors rushed to her...wow! talk about quality care! my friend A was still her hyper high-energy self...i was thinking: "what is wrong with YOU?" after drinking my can of oj and eating a granola bar, A told me to tie a knot with my straw wrapper and try to pull it apart, while thinking about a person in mind. If the knot from the wrapper comes undone, then ooh-la-la...that person is currently thinking about me. why was i nervous even for that? i don't know...not enough blood, i think. but yes, the knot came undone. =)
the rest of the day, i ended up sleeping for the most part, with occasional bursts of sweats and headaches. totally drained, totally lifeless....totally not so romantic afterall. with my friday night plans wasted (not that i had much anyways), i was growing weary of my boredom in that little tiny room of mine. My pet dogs theodore and westley (decided to rename them) kept me companied, but they were taking too much space on my bed! so even with that somewhat gaunt-like complexion, i decided to take the advice of D and seize such a great movie deal at y-film society even at 10pm. i strolled downstairs to watch insomnia. good movie, i'd recommend it. a bit predictable at times, but definitely a clever suspense thriller.
i came back home around midnight. it being friday night and many grads ended up going to the local pub for a latin party (something i had to give up because of my good humanitarian efforts that day), i went to take a shower instead. unfortunately, the whole floor was pretty quiet and the lights were dimly lit in the bathroom. although they were motion-sensored, it took several minutes! for the lights to turn on. i swear, taking a shower with the dim lights and a sudden flash of real lights several minutes later, added to the fact that i had JUST watched a hair-raising psychological thriller...Not fun. falling asleep with the computer on, lights on, stuffed animals snugged tightly beside me...i was indeed missing home.
i remember watching that movie back in the days with my girlfriends. somehow, seductively and sadistically speaking, when gary sucks winona's blood, i can almost feel that intensifying exchange of life and soul myself. Maybe the idealistic girl in me can just suspend herself in disbelief, that moments of being completely vulnerable and still so giving (even to the last drop of life) to an eternal being of control...of course overwhelmed with passion...can be so enticing even for full submission. it's so sexy! so yes, i have romanticized the idea of being double-hole-punched on the side of my neck, while losing blood through, obviously, a slow and painful death.
i felt it yesterday morning. not that giving blood was a form of real-life dracula scenario, but spending more than 30 minutes on that bed while others usually only take between 5-20 minutes to donate a pint, i felt the need to romanticize AND justify my situation a bit. Four people who were poked later left earlier. The nurse, getting somewhat impatient, intermittenly pranced around the side of my bed, asking if I was okay and telling me that i was doing a great job. Doing a great job? I was thinking...I wasn't even DOING anything, but lying there, completely lifeless and motionless. it was my first time. okay, being 23 already, i'm considered late in being a good humanitarian---only because when ARC had their blood drives, i was always living at home and my ultra-traditional chinese parents always worried that my blood donation would make me lose my memory or energy for the upcoming midterms and finals. alas, i'm on my own and an opportunity arises. trust me, i've always wanted to donate and i've explained to my parents how great it'd be to cleanse my system, but somehow, yesterday morning, i was nervous...extremely nervous. to my friend sitting right beside me, i whispered: "i'm really scared." a girl who had been drained for the last 15 minutes turned her head around, smiled and said: "awww....don't be." i felt so ridiculously young.
while still lying on that bed, i suddenly saw my friend M wanting to faint. Instantly 6 doctors rushed to her...wow! talk about quality care! my friend A was still her hyper high-energy self...i was thinking: "what is wrong with YOU?" after drinking my can of oj and eating a granola bar, A told me to tie a knot with my straw wrapper and try to pull it apart, while thinking about a person in mind. If the knot from the wrapper comes undone, then ooh-la-la...that person is currently thinking about me. why was i nervous even for that? i don't know...not enough blood, i think. but yes, the knot came undone. =)
the rest of the day, i ended up sleeping for the most part, with occasional bursts of sweats and headaches. totally drained, totally lifeless....totally not so romantic afterall. with my friday night plans wasted (not that i had much anyways), i was growing weary of my boredom in that little tiny room of mine. My pet dogs theodore and westley (decided to rename them) kept me companied, but they were taking too much space on my bed! so even with that somewhat gaunt-like complexion, i decided to take the advice of D and seize such a great movie deal at y-film society even at 10pm. i strolled downstairs to watch insomnia. good movie, i'd recommend it. a bit predictable at times, but definitely a clever suspense thriller.
i came back home around midnight. it being friday night and many grads ended up going to the local pub for a latin party (something i had to give up because of my good humanitarian efforts that day), i went to take a shower instead. unfortunately, the whole floor was pretty quiet and the lights were dimly lit in the bathroom. although they were motion-sensored, it took several minutes! for the lights to turn on. i swear, taking a shower with the dim lights and a sudden flash of real lights several minutes later, added to the fact that i had JUST watched a hair-raising psychological thriller...Not fun. falling asleep with the computer on, lights on, stuffed animals snugged tightly beside me...i was indeed missing home.
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