we complain about the littlest things. we whine about when will we get our chocolate-covered bunnies. but have we stopped to really listen why this is a world far from perfect? have we stopped to ask Him why these things run through our lives daily, and yet, we can be so self-involved with our own insecurities, only to realize that if we stopped complaining, a life is "saved," another glory crowned, and His grace extended?

maybe it was a rude awakening, but the past week, there were so many moments when i felt completely broken--ready to call it quits. the moments of weakness left me completely alone, hiding in corners of the room, secretly hoping that someone would find me and give me sympathy...yet, somehow, my friend--probably one of the closest here at school--needed me so much more than i needed someone to listen to me whine, read my blog, or answer a phone call. i don't know how, but it was a miracle for him to be sitting in front of me, telling his story of survival, of how he clung on to those corals--with his dear life flashing before his eyes. but such a miracle took away another brave intelligent soul...someone who, although i was never introduced to formally, became a name i became most vulnerable to. he saved my friend's life; he made sure everyone got home, but himself; he became the hero to a story that you would only imagine it to be fictitious. in a heartwrenching way, i got to know brandon.

frustration and impatience ate me up in the most painfully slow way. i became upset when my friend refused to face reality, when he did not see how precious "his" life had BECOME, when he failed to see what little brandon demanded of him...i felt sick and helpless.

we are so selfish. we want the world to look at us. but what then, is love? how and when can we give up ourselves for the one we truly love?

He did. God's love to us is insurmountable. do we not look at ourselves and most often than not, find ourselves, waving in the water for help--only to realize that He is coming to save us? when has He denied us His faithfulness? why do we still wallow and pity ourselves when fate disagrees with what WE want?

sometimes i really hate the way i am. i sin like everyone else. i try to control what will happen next. i ask for the things i want and more. but the truth is, i have no reason to complain. i am loved incredibly. a friend recently asked: "do you think life is more confusing for you than everyone else?" when i heard that, i got so upset at myself. how can i create such a world where things revolve around my thoughts? why do i let the things in this world get me down? why i am trying to balance others' crosses, when i have enough weight of my own to keep up? why do i cry when i know He is coming to save me?

i know He's listening. and He continues to remind me of the bravery and heroism in this far from perfect world.

being obedient is tough. waiting is tough. and (un)fortunately being passionate is who i am.