M had said, would you rather go alone?

testing my patience.

i have exactly one week before i take off and board the plane to BKK. when i first purchased my ticket, i was thrilled, yet anxious, in anticipating the potential hurdles I may encounter. so a brother encourages me to send out a prayer letter because i know, truthfully, that somehow, when everything is gone, when nothing is left, i can only rely on one thing: faith. thus, i write and compile something that is as novel of an idea to me as meeting and speaking with trans. maybe it is believing in the impossible, but somehow, it is not as easy as i have always imagined. of course, those who have responded have reassured me that i will be ok. so i proceed with a smile.

now i sit here, shaking and completely speechless---when i realize that my plans have fumbled. my contacts in BKK have fallen through as of this morning. what am i going to do now? no, i'm still going. fortunately or unfortunately, i cannot turn back but to proceed and find my own contacts and ask for help again. it is irony that for someone who has always wanted to do everything on her own, to be ms. independent and in-control, i am asking for a lot of assistance throughout this whole process. i ask for prayers. i ask for contacts. i ask. and while my words can never express my gratitude for the love of Him and all my friends, just know that i still proceed with a smile.