a curious turn.
my eyes perked up. i looked innocently and inquisitively onward. it's been a while since i had that type of interest--of just listening to those words being spoken so instensely to me. "you owe yourself that chance," M said. i was wrapped around comfort that i've never had before, yet somehow so familiar.

time to p-a-r-t-a-y! =) =) =)

bye bye new haven.

time to go back again. it was only about a month ago when i was at the airport waiting to go home to see friends and family. now that i've pulled enough all-nighters, had the company of several late-night chatters, and enjoyed the many cups of coffee from Dunkin Donuts (i'm getting sick of the bagels/donuts, btw), i'm coming home. =)

another semester done. before i know it, i'll be back in cali doing everything that i've thought about, yet perhaps looking outside my box, finding ways to explore the endless possibilities of the world again. the grass is always greener on the other side, eh? now that i'm older (possibly not any wiser), the same story no longer holds. i know what i want, i know where i want to be, and i know who i wish to become. well, maybe. =P

i'm still fasting. a few know what i'm fasting from. but there are no guarantees, huh? you can be constantly praying, wanting, asking, seeking, but there are no guarantees. i want to give in, give up, and throw up my white flag. i guess no one ever said it'd be easy.

so since i can't do much, but wait for my fast to be over...i'm ready to snowboard, to dance, to shop, and to love again. i'm glad i'm coming home.

Put your arms around me

are you ready maybe
are you willing to run
are you ready to let yourself drown
are you holding your breath
are you ready or not

are you ready maybe
do you long to confess
do you feel that you're already numb
are you sure of yourself
would you lie if you're not

you tire me out
don't wanna let that happen
a secret scream so loud
why did you let that happen

ooh ooh so put your arms around me
you let me believe that you are someone else
ooh ooh cause only time can take you
so let me believe
that i am someone else

maybe are you ready to break
do you think that i push you too far
would you open yourself
are you reckless or not

you tire me out
don't wanna let that happen
a secret scream so loud
why did you let that happen

ooh ooh so put your arms around me
you let me believe that you are someone else
ooh ooh cause only time can take you
so let me believe
that i am someone else...

make me believe
take me take me
somewhere
somewhere
let me believe
cause only time can take you
so stop

for as long as i shall live, i shall testify to love.

i had a really good conversation with G today. no matter what the outcome may be, i think my reactions/feelings will be a true testament to who i am. am i mature? am i in rage? am i in love? am i really me?

f-a-s-t-i-n-g.
do i have enough to trust that God does indeed exist?

"i'm more concerned with how you feel."
at that moment, everything was gone---the insecurity, the worries, the uncertainty.

feeling sexy. yep. i'm not talking about showing more skin, that's not necessary. just the mind and spirit feeling confident--that's all. simple pleasures of being who i am, being God's child, with the good and the bad, and feeling loved in all ways around. there are times when i try to feel good, feel sexy, but the trying part is what takes it all away. perhaps trying too hard? the truth is with a certain ounce of confidence comes faith, and in turn, makes me feel radiant. =)

Oz.

is that a word for scrabble? why not? i would have gotten so many points for that word! =)

Bringing back memories.
The Wizard of Oz is on the WB channel tonight. While a 15-page policy paper awaits me, I can hardly keep my attention on my second page. (and yes, it's due tomorrow). Rather than talking about my delinquency, I will have to admit that I almost forgot why the classic musical is so well-acclaimed. The dances, the songs, and of course, the colors! never cease to amaze me how far cinematography has gone. A scarecrow without a brain, tin-man without a heart, and a lion without courage? What am "I" without? nothing. nothing really. =)

looking forward to really spend some quality time with family and friends. this cannot be a better time for wrap ups. although i was about to post some of the thanksgiving pictures, i was asked to censor most of them....so sorry dudes and dudettes. =) but for a quick recap, had a G-B-P thanksgiving in boston. professional chef cooked the thanksgiving dinner--smoked turkey, smoked duck, gourmet dishes...wow! =) good quality time.

it's a winter wonderland.

i had some quality time with God today. with an early morning of mindfulness and heavy-duty exercise of the brain, i was blessed with wake-up calls from SMP---all of whom gave me the support i was looking for! =) yay!

i think i have an addiction to nice dresses. i'm so dead. =P

the strongest magic of all: the power of the human heart.

that's what i read from the back of my Ever After DVD--the first "official" DVD to my nonexistent collection, courtesy of P. i had gotten "Centerstage" earlier, but some of you know what happened to that. long story and a million interpretations. =P it's truly amazing to have a heart. who do we love? how do we love? what DOES it mean to love?

my friend A reminded me of this recently:
If you love it, set it free.
If it returns, it was meant to be.

i've had my fair share (and continue to do so) of "love memories" in life. good ones, bad ones, weird ones. whatever. simply put, i just love my friends. since we recently had "thanksgiving," i really got a chance to reflect on people and i came across some many nostalgic memories that got me all teary-eyed. yes, it was one of those! every little bit counted; it didn't matter how long we've been friends, how much we've interacted, or how many deep conversations we've exchanged, you guys are all so so special to me---and i'm sure more than half of you don't even read this! i love you all and i love you more every day. i know you are all God's gifts to me, and I NEED to make sure I cherish that, and not forget! I LOVE YOU!!!

you're probably thinking i'm psycho to publicly announce my affections for you, but heck, you've put up with me for this long, the idiosyncracies, the attitudes, the whines/complaints, the ditziness,....everything! man, i can't even deal with myself sometimes. ;)

well, yeah, i guess this sounds like just another pointless la-di-da blog, but it's only because you're special.