On my bday card this year:
 
She refused to accept limits to possibilities.
She refused to confine her hopes, her dreams.
She refused to accept the ordinary.
And she never grew old.
                               Hee Hee.  GK.
 
Oh she knows me too well. ;)

Quite possibly the craziest night of my two years.

the weekend of my graduation was WILD. worlds from all types met in my once mouse-infested apartment, played poker, watched movies, and most importantly, shared stories. everyone had his/her own story to tell. even though they had very little knowledge of each other, they had one thing in common: me. :) yes, i do feel the love.

They genuinely care. and so do I for them.

The ongoing wishes for bonnyth remain the same from all my friends. It's as if they've learned to read me based on something that has been somewhat hidden for the last two years, yet, at the same time, reflecting off clearly from the expressions of my face. Have I been that transparent? Or do I talk so much about it that life, just miraculously, hands me people who support the person I want to become?

God has such a funny sense of humor. To this day, I am still impressed and surprised with the quality people I meet. They're amazing.

that smile you were thinking about?
it's still in me, somewhere...
and now that things are coming to an end here for me,
i can't wait to find it again.
stay tuned. :)





* FIRST Challenge when i get back to SF: Earthquake Ice Cream Sundae.

Homestretch is barely home-free.

Before you ask how much work I’ve accomplished, trust that this composition is a reward to my day’s worth of writing. Considering that I’ve written more than 10 pages and edited another 10, I think I deserve a break. Thesis-writing rejects the creative spirit and inner voice that yearns for attention. This, instead, is me letting loose, allowing my brain juices to flow freely without the critical eye saying stop.

I’ve started a reward-system for myself. If I get something done, I get to eat. If I finish that section, I get a 30-minute break. Yep. Having a carrot dangling in front seems to work wonders for this ambitious soul. Perhaps, the true test is being starved and deprived of any sort of freedom—a challenge that kills and paralyzes me, always.

I was invited by SS to share leftovers for dinner today. Since when did leftovers become a purpose for invitation? ;) All I could say was, having a daily menu of bagels, stale coffee, and greasy Chinese-food, I’d take those leftovers any day! Alas, due to time constraints with the self-imposed deadlines, I couldn’t and didn’t deserve SS’ Thai, Korean, and Chinese leftovers.

Somewhat unexpectedly, I received fewer phone calls than anticipated this weekend. The reality is not that I didn’t get calls, but missed those that I wanted to jump for. Rather, television has, unfortunately, been my consolation prize lately. Consolation for what you ask?—for my upheld strength and self-respect. Emotional upheavals will only delay my process in finishing up. Perhaps these emotions have already gotten the best of me during the past two years.

Carrie in S&theC once wrote: When it comes to life and love, would you do it all over again?

I hate to sit on the fence, so for the purpose of answering this question at this time, I would answer no. Certain things come and go. Why relive what was meant to be considered the past? Exacerbated by this thought is the song I’m currently listening to by ChiLam Cheung: Point of No Return. Boys do it all the time. They live practically. So why not women? =P (The juxtaposition of these two sexes probably just started a whirlwind of sentiments.)

Cantonese music—with an added mesmerizing voice—has a soothing effect on me. It brings me back to the inner-fob in me of being with my nearly-perfect family. It takes me back to my cherished memories of my grandparents…all of them. It inspires me once again to express the youthful spirit I’ve missed.

I’ve always imprisoned myself with my fears—of the what-I-failed-miserably-in, whether it was relational baggage, academic pride, or just simply that four-letter word. I didn’t want to wake up to find a leaky faucet. Or the exorbitant reflections of could’ve, would’ve, should’ve. I was worried that the ramifications of me dealing with these fears would break any patient ear. The irony was that not dealing with it only drove straight to the heart of the matter.

Thus, I finally took a risk and confonted that fear.
So what now? Well, the song continues, and so do I.