the combination of little sleep, emotional highs, and non-stop chitchatting this weekend has placed a toll on my not-so-great-shape body. working and thinking efficiencies have gone down...conversations have been slow. i think it's time for a vacation...
even though i may come across as young and impressionable...often feeling the tugging of my indecisive mind, i feel very strongly about the passions that resonate from my beating heart. someone has called me "idealistic--a type that's hard to find nowadays." someone has called me "young at heart." i may come across as dawson's counterpart, living in the world between dream and reality...with very little baggage attached to my shoulders. the truth is (according to my LA friend), i am not nearly as idealistic as i used to be. we all live our fair share of dramas; i definitely have my ups and downs. maybe they've only seen the highs and not the lows. because with someone such as myself who believes in dreaming so much, hoping for the best in most (if not all) situations, the highs become higher and lows become lower. there are still many things that make me worry, get me scared...that these unmet expectations will one day teach me what failure truly means...but not to say that i haven't experienced "blows" either. i have had my disappointments--hurdles in life that made me fall HARD. i have had a long history of being "dromantic" and those over-analyzed situations have kept my spirits down. but at the same time, i cannot deny that my comfort zone and support system at home (and away from home) have kept me alive, kept my passions running, kept me who i am today. maybe it's this revelation that keeps me as hopeful as i can be. He has also blessed me with many true friends, that listen and advise...and believe in me. and these instances have created lasting impressions on me...
so i was busily working in lab this morning, in the TC room (bio folks...you should be familiar!)...the radio was on. each song sparked a new thought, reminded me of a situation, or a remark, or simply a gesture that brought a slight smirk onto my face. (i checked and made sure "smirk" was what i had in mind...and yes, a self-satisfied smile). these lasting impressions....#1: i remembered when tboy commented on how "gracefully" i have made myself comfortable in such a new environment. for me, it came across as a really sweet compliment. i was unaware that people or even myself would notice, but i guess it happens...that's the beauty of it. when you're doing something subconsciously, yet someone notices and takes appreciation...wow! how nice! #2: as we were delivering stories within the car (tahoe ride), artsy boy seemed to be the one who knew me best. maybe from my blogs? yet, i always thought...why would anyone subject himself to such boredom? but what impressed me was that he had a really accurate depiction of who i am (esp. when he described my "interest types")...kinda scary to be honest, but at the same time, for a new friend to know...it shows that there are people out there listening to what i have to say. #3: my best friend's leaving for MIT: apparently, she has been in correspondence with my daddy and uncle through email...re: leaving for MIT, wishing her good luck...etc. i had no idea. she recently forwarded me several emails of how they (dad/uncle) both asked her to continue to support me and advise me "frequently to keep my spirits up." gkim continued: "they love you. and so do i." i cannot begin to describe how moved i was to read the email. i cannot put the feelings down on paper because it would never do it justice. instantly, i got teary-eyed. i missed home. i missed my family and friends. #4: so on AIM recently, i came across sounding unusually abrasive to a friend. i accused him of using "a guy line" on me...so he immediately called me back and told me that he's watching out for me. it's funny, really, because he was really worried that our "trust" factor was broken. the way he ended up worrying...it was cute. i feel blessed that i AM taken care of...really. #5: my LA girl-friend said she is noticing certain peculiarities in the way i'm "dealing with" my friends up in SF--how i'm extremely patient with some critical and distant people...haha!. i don't know why...just made me rethink about what she said...so it made an impression on me...that's all.
we often underestimate these little things in life. one-liners that seem inrelevant, gestures that seem trivial, eye contacts that may not be noticed...sure, in the big picture, it's just something that comes and goes. but it's these SIMPLE things that make MY heart sing...lalalala
even though i may come across as young and impressionable...often feeling the tugging of my indecisive mind, i feel very strongly about the passions that resonate from my beating heart. someone has called me "idealistic--a type that's hard to find nowadays." someone has called me "young at heart." i may come across as dawson's counterpart, living in the world between dream and reality...with very little baggage attached to my shoulders. the truth is (according to my LA friend), i am not nearly as idealistic as i used to be. we all live our fair share of dramas; i definitely have my ups and downs. maybe they've only seen the highs and not the lows. because with someone such as myself who believes in dreaming so much, hoping for the best in most (if not all) situations, the highs become higher and lows become lower. there are still many things that make me worry, get me scared...that these unmet expectations will one day teach me what failure truly means...but not to say that i haven't experienced "blows" either. i have had my disappointments--hurdles in life that made me fall HARD. i have had a long history of being "dromantic" and those over-analyzed situations have kept my spirits down. but at the same time, i cannot deny that my comfort zone and support system at home (and away from home) have kept me alive, kept my passions running, kept me who i am today. maybe it's this revelation that keeps me as hopeful as i can be. He has also blessed me with many true friends, that listen and advise...and believe in me. and these instances have created lasting impressions on me...
so i was busily working in lab this morning, in the TC room (bio folks...you should be familiar!)...the radio was on. each song sparked a new thought, reminded me of a situation, or a remark, or simply a gesture that brought a slight smirk onto my face. (i checked and made sure "smirk" was what i had in mind...and yes, a self-satisfied smile). these lasting impressions....#1: i remembered when tboy commented on how "gracefully" i have made myself comfortable in such a new environment. for me, it came across as a really sweet compliment. i was unaware that people or even myself would notice, but i guess it happens...that's the beauty of it. when you're doing something subconsciously, yet someone notices and takes appreciation...wow! how nice! #2: as we were delivering stories within the car (tahoe ride), artsy boy seemed to be the one who knew me best. maybe from my blogs? yet, i always thought...why would anyone subject himself to such boredom? but what impressed me was that he had a really accurate depiction of who i am (esp. when he described my "interest types")...kinda scary to be honest, but at the same time, for a new friend to know...it shows that there are people out there listening to what i have to say. #3: my best friend's leaving for MIT: apparently, she has been in correspondence with my daddy and uncle through email...re: leaving for MIT, wishing her good luck...etc. i had no idea. she recently forwarded me several emails of how they (dad/uncle) both asked her to continue to support me and advise me "frequently to keep my spirits up." gkim continued: "they love you. and so do i." i cannot begin to describe how moved i was to read the email. i cannot put the feelings down on paper because it would never do it justice. instantly, i got teary-eyed. i missed home. i missed my family and friends. #4: so on AIM recently, i came across sounding unusually abrasive to a friend. i accused him of using "a guy line" on me...so he immediately called me back and told me that he's watching out for me. it's funny, really, because he was really worried that our "trust" factor was broken. the way he ended up worrying...it was cute. i feel blessed that i AM taken care of...really. #5: my LA girl-friend said she is noticing certain peculiarities in the way i'm "dealing with" my friends up in SF--how i'm extremely patient with some critical and distant people...haha!. i don't know why...just made me rethink about what she said...so it made an impression on me...that's all.
we often underestimate these little things in life. one-liners that seem inrelevant, gestures that seem trivial, eye contacts that may not be noticed...sure, in the big picture, it's just something that comes and goes. but it's these SIMPLE things that make MY heart sing...lalalala
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