when you encounter a problem, who do you run to? who do you turn to first?
a friend asked me that. i think i need to start putting my life back on the balance because it's been tipping in random directions the past several days. my confusion and lack of commitment to my heart's desires have been extremely nerving. as a person who believes in following the passion of the heart, why? in times of fear and confusion and frustration, i must put His desires before my own. i turn to Him. never have i felt a stronger pull in that direction. i want to hide behind Him. i want Him to hold my hand. i want Him to explain to me why.

we each bear a cross that is unique to our own. the past 9 months, He has made it clear to me that He will only give me something that He knows i can handle. i don't think i am that strong. in some cases, i'm just ready to throw in my towel and call it quits. in other cases, i fight. it takes only a little bit of endurance and patience until He makes it known to me that things will be okay---as long as i have faith.

then i ask myself, am i using Him as my excuse to turn away from all my worries and problems? am i being fair and just to the situation? am i trying to find an explanation because i have no resolutions? are all these even valid questions? men are not perfect. i am not perfect. and no, i do not pride myself with this awareness, nor do i strive for perfection. i just want to be obedient.