i woke up EARLY this morning; east coast friends could concur...they saw me on IM. i had to run an errand down by the Farm today. it was a nice drive; it's been a while since i found some quality time to myself. i've been online a lot lately, and i finally got my friend to regulate and keep me in check. i'm going to do something productive before i log onto IM. i think i just want to find some human contact when i'm alone in my little room; i just like to know that someone is out there listening/talking to me. having the buddy list there (so accessible) gives me a sense of security that i can easily turn to. but alas, i have so much other work to do...gotta stop.

God is trying to teach me a lesson...sometimes you just can't have what you want. i can easily fall prey to the temptations of pride, envy, and desire. maybe because i feel like i need to fill up a void in my life or because i am living without a sense of purpose, meaning, or direction. so i ask myself: "what is it that i REALLY want for myself?"

funny, but somehow, my answer has been all the motivation that i need to move toward a more joy-filled life and away from the fear-based existence that has kept me from asking this question...