"girls just want to have fun" is on the radio in the background. i remember making a karaoke video tape on my grad nite of hs senior year. i still have that tape. it was one of those bonnyth moments where i sang and danced and beamed like there was no tomorrow--doing some sort of body roll, that uma-pulp-fiction-twist, catching quite a bit of attention with my girlfriends on stage. ha. those were the days--the innocence, the carefreeness, the worry-free attitude.

"i grew up in the sheltered city of irvine, ca. i attended the university in my backyard. i never went out to look for opportunity because it came to me. i felt invincible."

these words began my many statements of purpose---the before-me transitioning to the me-now. it's funny because although i can always direct it to some sort of revelation (how i've grown and what i've learned), like hitting a possible conclusion for each exciting chapter in my book, i still look back and question what i am doing, where i am going. the undeniably big decisions that lie ahead are nerve-racking yet exciting. uncertainty now has a different definition---it dwells in a world of intrigue and mystery, a world that is waiting to be discovered and explored, a world that i will never be alone.

i pride myself with the heartfelt passion that guides me in many things i do in life. and lately, i've been feeling rather strongly about my decision to go on a missions trip. sounds funny, sounds strange. not a typical bonnyth thing to do, i might add. but lumps last night strengthened my desires to do something that i now feel so strongly about. like many others, the decision cannot and will not be confirmed until i step onto the plane. but i knew i would hit this wall of disagreements, of possible arguments, and of unsettling considerations for other people. the biggest stumbling block i have recently encountered is the one that i have and hold most preciously: my parents. am i being selfish for choosing to do something that i want to do? what about my sister's wedding? am i not putting enough consideration into this, jumping quite impulsively into something that sounds so fun and new and different and...? to what end? how far will i have to go in introspecting this idea in order to come up with the right decision? what is right? patience. He is teaching me patience.