It still sits on my desk...
the night before i left SF, my friend gave me a gift certificate to coldstone. =) being the ice cream fanatic that i am, you'd think i would have used it the instant i got it. i've passed by several coldstones since then, and i have yet to take that opportunity to indulge myself in such luxury. with all the commotion and distractions i have (and continue to) come across during this time of transition, i have made it a personal decision to fast from my one and only most valued desire....ice cream. *gasp!*

i have two weaknesses---two temptations that easily get the best of me in any situation. one is ice cream. the other, ha!....how can i publicly announce BOTH my weaknesses? taking a personal step to abstain from consuming ice cream is quite a challenge for me, but that is exactly the reason why i've decided to do this. what does it mean exactly? for me, it is very easy to forget my purpose, to forget why i do certain things or why i don't do certain things. i forget my chores at home when i see how comfortable my bed is. i forget what it means to be patient when something (or someone) provokes my emotions. i forget to be still when i worry. i even forget to pray. the first thing i turn to in times of confusion and frustration is ice cream. the fat-inducing-hip-enlarging-dessert has created a perfect comfort zone for me to hide away in. i don't want to find myself lost when tested outside this arena, especially on the east coast. that is why it is extremely important for me to put Him before me, to recognize in what ways i have been sinning, and to remind myself that there is no other person i can rely on. when my friend gave me that gift certificate, he had no idea i was on this personal journey of self-improvement, but what a reminder it has become! he also offered me specific words of wisdom that continue to resonate in my mind up until now. i almost forgot it a few days ago...i found myself losing sight of the real picture. how easy it is to forget; that makes me so human. his words and the gift certificate are double doses to remind ME to be good. sure, i have been tempted. today for a nonchristian friend's birthday (whom i have known for 15 years now), the waitress brought out ice cream for dessert. mmm, tempting...but i said no. she calls it the christian weight-loss program. =)

whatever it may be, i think i'm getting comfortable with the idea. how long will this last? the day after i have settled in new haven and found my true identity among believers and non-believers---to be confident of who i have become. we shall see. maybe that will be more than just the first month...it started out with a simple: i-need-to-be-careful-of-what-i-put-in-my-mouth-before-the-wedding-idea. being back at home has not been easy; i miss some peeps so so so much (especially after developing my 8 rolls of film); i find myself vegging and wasting time more, but bringing my lilsista to newsong has been a true blessing! i can't wait...i feel so passionate about this. a sister in SF (yes YOU!) has motivated me to be productive again with my free time; she even suggested that i take a trip around rodeo drive and enjoy the LA experience before i go. ha! i'm getting motivated again...for school, for the new challenges that lay ahead. the anticipation is beginning to grow on me...how lucky i am to have such great opportunities...sometimes i want to celebrate with ice cream...but amidst all this, i have not forgotten...to lay my head back down and pray...