i, as a witness
it was my intention to spend some quality time with my friends and family this weekend. undeniably, i have neglected my lilsis somewhat, simply moving from place to place, satisfying my curiosity to explore. little did i know, i had very little to contribute when it came to her thoughts and development about college prospects. despite my lack of beauty rest, getting into irvine at 4:30am sat morning, i wanted to go running with her around our nearby track that morning. with a group of asian guys ready to play soccer in the middle of the track, i knew my sister may not be comfortable with others watching her run. being highly impressionable at this point in her life, my lilsis has always looked up to her older siblings with due respect and utter fondness. my bigsista and i may or may not be great role models, but everything we do can leave an impression on her childish mind. the changes in me have been evident in her innocent eyes, and she has inquired on several accounts now re: my level of maturity at this point in time. am i really mature? no. am i growing? yes. being able to share my testimony with her that morning made me realize that she can be more than a younger sister. she can one day, sooner rather than later, be a peer.
i always saw myself as a youngin when it came to talking about my faith and my walk. i would never boast about my relationship with Him; in fact, i find myself exceedingly vulnerable when it comes to sharing my personal talks (prayers). it usually takes a lot of trust for me to share that spiritual intimacy with someone. with my growing faith and my ever-changing views, i would never expect my very own impressionable state of mind to impress on another. but somehow, He has been using me, indirectly, subconsciously...however i can, to serve as a vessel to contain Him and His Spirit. He means to live out the reality of who he is right here within the reality of who i am.
i found myself being a witness all weekend long--to the people who mean a lot to me. lacking sleep, i can be cranky and difficult to please. =) i had minimal motivation to hang out with my friends on sunday night when i was torn between two different groups of friends. my parents had bought me a cake; i had specifically asked for one--in hopes of finding other means to make a wish (i am definitely a believer). so to avoid driving anywhere far, i casually invited my friends to come over for cake---some christians, some nonchristians. bouncing from one click to another, i used that opportunity to catch up with all my friends, to understand and hear where they are at in life. even though my eyelids were growing heavy at the ungodly hours of the night, i managed to carry a heart to heart talk with my hs-ny-friend. my best friend was sleeping on the other side of the room, but i knew she was half-listening to what i had to say. i was being honest. i was sharing with them my young views about life--how i have learned to trust in Him, to cast and surrender all my doubts and fears to Him, to live in His glory. it was not my intention to preach nor to project myself as a spiritually more superior being, but that was what i was made for---not to be a god, but to contain God.
i attribute my discovery of my heavenly Father largely to what I had known of the goodness of my earthly family and friends (esp. Aa, dL, mL). they showed plainly that their lives were lived in a region of profound faith in an ever-present God. i could not but see that He was to them a reality beyond all other realities. Of religious teaching i had but little, but of religious example and influence i had a never-failing supply. Not by talking, but by daily living, were impessions made on my childish heart.
it was my intention to spend some quality time with my friends and family this weekend. undeniably, i have neglected my lilsis somewhat, simply moving from place to place, satisfying my curiosity to explore. little did i know, i had very little to contribute when it came to her thoughts and development about college prospects. despite my lack of beauty rest, getting into irvine at 4:30am sat morning, i wanted to go running with her around our nearby track that morning. with a group of asian guys ready to play soccer in the middle of the track, i knew my sister may not be comfortable with others watching her run. being highly impressionable at this point in her life, my lilsis has always looked up to her older siblings with due respect and utter fondness. my bigsista and i may or may not be great role models, but everything we do can leave an impression on her childish mind. the changes in me have been evident in her innocent eyes, and she has inquired on several accounts now re: my level of maturity at this point in time. am i really mature? no. am i growing? yes. being able to share my testimony with her that morning made me realize that she can be more than a younger sister. she can one day, sooner rather than later, be a peer.
i always saw myself as a youngin when it came to talking about my faith and my walk. i would never boast about my relationship with Him; in fact, i find myself exceedingly vulnerable when it comes to sharing my personal talks (prayers). it usually takes a lot of trust for me to share that spiritual intimacy with someone. with my growing faith and my ever-changing views, i would never expect my very own impressionable state of mind to impress on another. but somehow, He has been using me, indirectly, subconsciously...however i can, to serve as a vessel to contain Him and His Spirit. He means to live out the reality of who he is right here within the reality of who i am.
i found myself being a witness all weekend long--to the people who mean a lot to me. lacking sleep, i can be cranky and difficult to please. =) i had minimal motivation to hang out with my friends on sunday night when i was torn between two different groups of friends. my parents had bought me a cake; i had specifically asked for one--in hopes of finding other means to make a wish (i am definitely a believer). so to avoid driving anywhere far, i casually invited my friends to come over for cake---some christians, some nonchristians. bouncing from one click to another, i used that opportunity to catch up with all my friends, to understand and hear where they are at in life. even though my eyelids were growing heavy at the ungodly hours of the night, i managed to carry a heart to heart talk with my hs-ny-friend. my best friend was sleeping on the other side of the room, but i knew she was half-listening to what i had to say. i was being honest. i was sharing with them my young views about life--how i have learned to trust in Him, to cast and surrender all my doubts and fears to Him, to live in His glory. it was not my intention to preach nor to project myself as a spiritually more superior being, but that was what i was made for---not to be a god, but to contain God.
i attribute my discovery of my heavenly Father largely to what I had known of the goodness of my earthly family and friends (esp. Aa, dL, mL). they showed plainly that their lives were lived in a region of profound faith in an ever-present God. i could not but see that He was to them a reality beyond all other realities. Of religious teaching i had but little, but of religious example and influence i had a never-failing supply. Not by talking, but by daily living, were impessions made on my childish heart.
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