is that legal?

before i start explaining my malingering attitude, let me just say...a much needed break i have had. the last two weeks or so, other than the heaps of work i've been trying to catch up on and the "logic" studying that seems to remain endless, God has definitely opened doors of wisdom and compassion for me. i've been studying like mad--yeah, mad-woman mad! but i still find time to play...i just, well, NEED it. all the things i read and learn about in my classes (daily) are so morbid. it makes me feel so small in knowing that i have very little power to do anything about it. how can i be God's servant in a world that is ugly and debilitating? although i have been enthusiastically hyper about my abroad summer challenge 2003--when i do dream the possiblity of "making a difference, so-to-speak--i know i cannot. it scares me that with a lack of both motivation and inspiration, it is so easy for anyone to step away from anything that extends beyond the comfort zone. it is so easy to turn away from an ugly situation and say, sorry, but it cannot be fixed. while i stand at the edge of the cliff seeing the possibility that i have no willpower to make any sacrifices whatsoever, i suddenly get pulled back and God tells reminds me how lucky i am. the circumstances that i am in make me so ...special. why do i then think about myself? why does the world center around me? with a mix of happiness and sorrows during the past week, i realize that maybe all my conversations have been: what is bonnyth worried about next? if it's not this, it's that. whatever happened to those who do make a difference without complaining about the pressure laid upon their shoulders? now that is something to admire.

boy what a lesson i've had this past week. a tear-inducing one, i might add.

God, i'm ready. =)

Thanks!
her prayer over voicemail left me in tears. yes, i was extremely touched, more so than i've felt in a very very long time since i've been here. unfortunately, my earpiece hasn't been working, so while i'm waiting for a new one to be shipped to me, i will have to apologize for my insufficient call-backs. oh it's just so tough to have limited cell-phone access. =P but her prayer and her thoughts give me most uplifting joy when i am especially in the doldrums of busyness. i cannot begin to say how grateful i am to have a friend/sister/peer like her. God has created this sister to be so perfect, so compatible, for me. who would have thought, eh woman? yay! last week, i also found little good-luck notes, bags of sweets, cards, motivational eye-contacts from my very supportive ya-leh friends. very little words can be blogged about for my sense of appreciation and love i am and have been feeling. it will not do justice for the tears of joy my little humble heart cries.

last week came to a close with a very beautiful snow-fallen day. i went out to take a walk the whole friday afternoon, spent chit-chatting with my friend ET--an undergrad alum, now medstudent--while taking random digital pictures, and snoozing around in different lecture halls of the campus. it was such an ideal way to keep my mind off of a momentous test that following day and yet, a perfect opportunity for me to get comfy with the test center. irony can be so deceptively engaging.

Why?
his spoken and unspoken words left me sitting in the bittersweet darkness. what is true?

got a lemon....turnover.
doldrums uplifted...and in celebration of a momentous saturday, my friends and i end up dressing up for the lovely rusty scuppers...a perfect restaurant with perfect view, enjoying our fresh zesty oysters amidst an atmosphere of live jazz music. the saxophone can be so...sexy--almost as sexy as the girl with her black sleek asymmetric off-the-shoulder-top who fell off 5-steps of stairs on her knees. yes, the delectable child is yours truly. luckily such embarrassment is only enjoyed in her own eyes of hasty-silliness--simply walking down from 10th to 9th floor. fortunately, i knock on my friend's doory...only to find bandaids and first aid waiting for lil ole me. funny but my cry-baby whimpers are soon softened by this.

so blessed, so blessed....that night, after rusty...my friends and i enjoy the nh nightlife at bottega, playing games of truth...(censored). it was truly a blessed night of dressing up, falling apart, and well, making a fool out of myself. but hey, at least the pictures turned out really well! =)

Born again, sunday.
so here i am...a cozy sunday, putting the finishing-touches on (again)...school work. sigh. work hard, play hard. no doubt. there's been some cleverly scripted conversations around my neck of the woods, however, which totally cracks me up....thanks to a fellow brother at home to keep me company as well (you're bored, eh?). ==) sometimes the world is so incredibly small.....so here i am entertained by my friend mtc....she writes: this is my friend. he has a lot of time on his hands. so i watch... so with a bit of care, you'll soon notice what i also noticed....a resemblance to someone oh-so-familiar...maybe someone back at home who's well, a close friend of someone even more familiar? *wink

well now, the books i must return to. i have never read so much in my life....i object! heehee, i almost want to object to the privilege of becoming intelligent....well, after such lengthy journalling...a friend just IMed me to get back to work... so off i go...