i thought about creditting my 3-day weekend on my blogsite. look what day it is now. i started but i ultimately deleted that half-written post. thoughts are just like that. when you miss the introspective nature of the moment, you move on and think about something else; not to say they weren't important, but the world keeps on turning, and your mind keeps on churning.
i heard, but i didn't see. somehow, when i found out that michelle got bronze, my heart was broken. i've been rooting for her all these years, as if i've gotten to know her personally; i feel like i can almost relate: her dream, her passion, her endurance. the past two weeks have been somewhat of a struggle for me as well--more like months, though. i feel like i've been wrestling with dreams and ambitions that have been inherently grounded in me since i was 6. these goals have become my passion. i have and continue to do all i can to make my dream come true. through many trials and tribulations, i have endured this struggle; i have questioned and answered my own confusions. recently, i am not sure if He is telling me otherwise or to continue with this arduous journey. how are we supposed to know when something is not right for us? how do we know when something is not meant to be? such questions add unnecessary stress to my complicated, melodramatic life. maybe that's why i haven't been getting restful sleep. on top of that, things at work and at home have not been as i've hoped. sigh. the adrenalin of playing for worship also added to this convoluted lifestyle i've been leading. my parents call, and i know they know what i'm thinking. nowadays, they almost always reassure me that i'll be okay, that i should go out and have fun, that i should live for the moment. i cannot but feel a little disappointed in myself when i worry them or when "my" voice shakes while talking to them. in situations like these, i just want to crawl into my little corner or ...go home. maybe i'm just still flirting with the idea of driving down to irvine. i think the true questions are: how much faith do i have? how much do i believe?
i have to admit, when i do start playing, whether it is good or not, the mesmerizing music brings comfort to my heart. for those few minutes, while singing praise, i am "quiet;" i am "still!" what has really helped me are also some encouraging words from my friend. i'm not sure if it's wise to put it on my blog, but i want to. the words of inspiration has and continue to ring in my ears--in all situations, not just for worship:
when you place your fingertips on that keyboard and raise your voice for the
Lord...remember, that's all that really matters. let everything around
you fade away, and in that instant while you worship him, remember that
that's all you were created to do. doesn't matter if you're in sf or
irvine doing it. doesn't matter if you can't play the piano or are jamming
like there's no tomorrow when you do it. what matters is that you're
doing it. doing what God made you to do...giving glory to Him. games or
no games, you will know in that moment that He loves you more than
anything. when you sing those words...listen to them closely and know
that He doesn't mess around. we tend to mess around and make things a lot
more difficult than they really are. make it a lot more simple by
remembering always what you were created for. it isn't easy, but no one
promised that carrying your cross would be. so just have joy when you
worship and study scripture and pray tonight. don't think about all the
girls and boys and whatever that surrounds you. let them all fade away.
we clutter our lives with so much junk sometimes. when you're with God
during that time, think about all the blessings you have and not about
what you're missing or don't have. sometimes a lot of that stuff we don't
really need and we don't have it because our Father in heaven knows that
it's better that way for us. TRUST bon...TRUST. that's all i can
encourage you to do.
i am blessed with tremendous support from family and friends (even if i haven't had time to get in contact with YOU!). but these words hit home for me. i feel that these words are more than perfect in describing how and what i am thinking...
i heard, but i didn't see. somehow, when i found out that michelle got bronze, my heart was broken. i've been rooting for her all these years, as if i've gotten to know her personally; i feel like i can almost relate: her dream, her passion, her endurance. the past two weeks have been somewhat of a struggle for me as well--more like months, though. i feel like i've been wrestling with dreams and ambitions that have been inherently grounded in me since i was 6. these goals have become my passion. i have and continue to do all i can to make my dream come true. through many trials and tribulations, i have endured this struggle; i have questioned and answered my own confusions. recently, i am not sure if He is telling me otherwise or to continue with this arduous journey. how are we supposed to know when something is not right for us? how do we know when something is not meant to be? such questions add unnecessary stress to my complicated, melodramatic life. maybe that's why i haven't been getting restful sleep. on top of that, things at work and at home have not been as i've hoped. sigh. the adrenalin of playing for worship also added to this convoluted lifestyle i've been leading. my parents call, and i know they know what i'm thinking. nowadays, they almost always reassure me that i'll be okay, that i should go out and have fun, that i should live for the moment. i cannot but feel a little disappointed in myself when i worry them or when "my" voice shakes while talking to them. in situations like these, i just want to crawl into my little corner or ...go home. maybe i'm just still flirting with the idea of driving down to irvine. i think the true questions are: how much faith do i have? how much do i believe?
i have to admit, when i do start playing, whether it is good or not, the mesmerizing music brings comfort to my heart. for those few minutes, while singing praise, i am "quiet;" i am "still!" what has really helped me are also some encouraging words from my friend. i'm not sure if it's wise to put it on my blog, but i want to. the words of inspiration has and continue to ring in my ears--in all situations, not just for worship:
when you place your fingertips on that keyboard and raise your voice for the
Lord...remember, that's all that really matters. let everything around
you fade away, and in that instant while you worship him, remember that
that's all you were created to do. doesn't matter if you're in sf or
irvine doing it. doesn't matter if you can't play the piano or are jamming
like there's no tomorrow when you do it. what matters is that you're
doing it. doing what God made you to do...giving glory to Him. games or
no games, you will know in that moment that He loves you more than
anything. when you sing those words...listen to them closely and know
that He doesn't mess around. we tend to mess around and make things a lot
more difficult than they really are. make it a lot more simple by
remembering always what you were created for. it isn't easy, but no one
promised that carrying your cross would be. so just have joy when you
worship and study scripture and pray tonight. don't think about all the
girls and boys and whatever that surrounds you. let them all fade away.
we clutter our lives with so much junk sometimes. when you're with God
during that time, think about all the blessings you have and not about
what you're missing or don't have. sometimes a lot of that stuff we don't
really need and we don't have it because our Father in heaven knows that
it's better that way for us. TRUST bon...TRUST. that's all i can
encourage you to do.
i am blessed with tremendous support from family and friends (even if i haven't had time to get in contact with YOU!). but these words hit home for me. i feel that these words are more than perfect in describing how and what i am thinking...
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