E. Piphanie

He who knows nothing, loves nothing. He who can do nothing understands nothing. He who understands nothing is worthless. But he who understands also loves, notices, sees...The more knowledge is inherent in a thing, the greater the love...Anyone who imagines that all fruits ripen at the same time as the strawberries knows nothing about grapes. --Paracelsus

Saturday, November 22, 2003

let the rivalry be forever.

there IS some ounce of pride in being the blue team....usc vs. ucla, stanford vs. cal, harvard vs. yale, red vs. blue...although we did get crushed today. =( if there was a football team in undergrad, i would've been one of those crazy girls with facepaint even on my tummy!....well maybe.

my last two weeks--a complete joke. ever since i stepped onto that plane to go home to CA, where did my productivity go? haha. every time my mom called to check up on me, i was on the road...looking for food. i ate everything from ALL TYPES OF ASIAN to good ole in-and-out. i always take up any opportunity to eat...and thanks to all those beloved friends who knew just my cup-o-tea---thanks for all those food-outting invites! too bad i had such a *short* vacation in such a random time of the school year. i DID come back for a conference, really...i did! *wink*



for my health and my sanity, it was a (timely) blast. i went to see love actually and loved it---i'm such a british-romantic-comedy-flick-chick. =) probably not the usual type you'd imagine, but i do enjoy the "unspoken love" the most. there's something about unrequitted love and yet still falling madly and perfectly in love that speaks volume. my time was wisely spent on blessed friendship and conversations. words will not do justice to the energizing spirit and nurture these conversations did for me. and unfortunately, i STILL have a few that i would love to take rainchecks for, come december. promise, i wanted to hang out with everyone from SF and everyone from school! ;) can you actually believe that i'll be done soon? that it was more than a year ago that i left teary-eyed? :) time flies. c-r-a-z-y.

i've been blessed to experience the deepening of many friendships---even to the point where i can openly share bathroom jokes/conversations during dinner! :) and of course...it feels great to be completely vulnerable to girlfriends. i spent more than an hour the other night catching up/praying with sister S. dy had said: it's great to see the friendship between you two blossom. and the funny thing is, without dy's encouragement for me to visit her back in August, we would not have known each other so well! oh the love! :)


the big game.



it was quite an experience.

a friend of mine from 4 years ago purposely flew into new haven from duke, just to support his alma mater. now, THAT is the school spirit. despite my need to catch up after having an unexcused week off (now who's the nerd, M?), i ended up going to the game as well. i had to. the friday night before, all the restaurants and stores were bustling with people. i have never seen so many dressed-up preppy "elders" with both spirit and zest--wearing pins that read: H-LL with Hah-vard. it was hilarious. more importantly, these big gunners probably have a lot more enthusiasm than i can at this stage in life.

to make a long story short, 6 girls smashed in an Accord, travelling for nearly two-hours before we could find parking. mind you, the yah-leh bowl should only be 15 min away, max? after circling around behind buses, seeing a ton of crimson red fools getting off, trying to get into lots (but to no avail), we ended up parking on someone's lawn...yes, the owner of the house came out and signaled us, cars, to park there. $20 bucks. i found myself whipping it out of my pocket, because well, by then, the game had already started and we were all hungry. to the tailgate off we go, finding tables and tables of free food (hamburgers, hot dogs, cookies), and i myself ultimately scarfed down two FREE hot dogs within 10 mins. i didn't stay long for the game, but i was there during the third period--in time to see the team score a touchdown. :) that's all i really wanted to see. who cares about the outcome anyways? :)

S and i ended up leaving earlier than the rest. on our way to the shuttle, we passed by the lawn again...this time, there were 12 cars in his front lawn. 12...that means, it's at least $240 that dude has made, excluding a few cars on his driveway.

"wow." i thought to myself...those were two EXPENSIVE HOT DOGS. =P

Friday, November 21, 2003

fashion savvy.
my friends, not me.

cq - she's smart. she's classy. and just a little bit sassy.
with her advice, i was fortunate enough to slide through the slots of getting a haircut appt with Kelly. it normally takes a month in advance to be so lucky! for those who know how anal i am about haircuts, let's just say that i'm more than pleased--now feeling glamorous, exciting, and confident! (okay, it might also be because i had more sleep than usual this morning.)

ds - creative, fun and just enough dorkness to be uniquely charming. oh humble pie....i've recently learned that this friend knows more about fashion than i do. where have i been when d is learning about seven jeans--about the ins and outs of what looks good? okay, so i know about miss sixty, but i don't know if i've ever seen a pair of 7-jeans myself until now on tv.... but hey, for now--being the poor student that i am--i'll just stick to my humble jeans from thailand that wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg. =P





Thursday, November 20, 2003

Friday, November 14, 2003

being welcomed.
i love it. you peeps are the best! i'm the luckiest girl i know. :)

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Familiarity.
The familiarity of the check-in lines, the security checkpoints, and the gigantic windows that can see far into the distance—I’m back at JFK airport. The last time I was here, I was on my way home after finishing my first year of graduate school—pre-SE Asia. Although that only happened a few months ago, I could barely dig up the details of what remained. Perhaps, it was because I was more in cloud 9—in my bubble of confusion, searching for clarity. Several months later, today, I’m still in that same bubble, so it feels, but the uncanny thing is that I feel so much more composed. No doubt, traveling makes you grow up. But at the same time, during the past three months into my second year of gs, I’ve noticed many changes in this girl I was searching to find. The changes are so…unlike who I pride myself to be. Is that a good thing? The things I see and hold on for dear life now are becoming more realistic.

It’s been a while since I actually got out of New Haven, got out of my formerly-mouse-infested-pad. I’ve attempted several times to go to NY and even Philly. Yet, I failed to remove the chains of my heart. I was stuck.

Intense. That’s probably the most appropriate word to describe my last few weeks—whether it be fighting to keep my head above waters in school or keeping the troubling friendships alive or simply fulfilling my passionate spirit of loving. G has really taught me some important yet heart-wrenching lessons in life that I’ve hid from for a while. Dependency, jealousy, ambition, pride.

So I sit here, in the airport terminal, waiting to board. I rethink the words spoken by my mother a few days ago. I had explained to her how several friends of mine “play hard.” Strangely enough, she bluntly mentioned my lack of finding complete freedom. Even when I go out and play, there is always something, to no avail, lingering in the back of my head that reads responsibility. Would this syndrome every go away? Would my “childish enthusiasm” ever run free completely?

As I was walking through the security check-point today, I untied my mid-calf boots, and took them off. A lady walked by and said, “Oh poor girl. They made you take off your boots….Sweetie, that’s why you wear these slip-ons like us.” I smiled and exclaimed, “I want to look cool when I get off the plane.” “What? Are you saying that we’re not cool?” the other lady joked. Oh, the vanity in me took over. I knew I shouldn’t be wearing anything fashionable when traveling, but I’m going back to CA! How can I not enjoy the little moments of fashion since I’m already a total bum back in school? (Okay, this was only a partial modest comment! =))

Listening to Dido’s “white flag,” I find the words resonate with conflicting emotions in my heart. I can see myself speaking those lyrics, but at the same time, it is all too familiar that I’ve been on the other end when I’ve received such words. The words are so poignant—it almost hurts, but not really.

I feel even older this time around, returning to California. I’ve learned to wipe away my expectations, and just anticipate what G has in store for me. I’m really looking forward to sharing good memories with old and new friends again—people who I have dearly missed and often thought about/prayed for. Although I’m supposed to be back for a conference, vacation obviously takes precedence. One week of endearing love and then, it’ll be the Y-H game when I return to school! Wahoo…..and of course, a week of Turkey break, possibly in Boston? Or in Philly? So, perhaps, THIS is my version of playing hard.

I’m really looking forward to this time of untangling some of those knots I’ve struggled with…But like Dido, I will not surrender. I’m in love and always will be.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

"you can fear the future, or you can embrace it."
---smallville beginnings

Monday, November 03, 2003

My best friend.



She came to visit, and we made last minute halloween costumes (literally a one hour ordeal). She held me accountable for the feelings I've been having. She reminded me how to love.

strong words have been spoken to my heart lately.
I'm Alright by Bebo Norman

I've got a little hope in my pocket, I want to share a bit with you
Just be careful that you don't drop it, but don't worry it you do
'Cause I got broken down inside me, and I might just need some help
But I will get by

And I've got demons in my history, got bone beneath my skin
But I've been taken by a mystery, yes, I've been taken in
And sometimes voices down inside me try to fight me for myself
I will get by

What have I got to live for
If there's nothing beating in my chest
What have I got to live for
When this world starts turning, it's burning me up
I'm alright

I used to think love was just a barter, second hand coincidence
What doesn't kill you just makes you harder, so I used my common sense
Keeping cold to keep my distance, 'til you took my pride away
Now I will get by...



An unexpected call made me realize G is SO good---that He is doing so much for those around me, that the world is beautiful from all other angles, that I just need to open my eyes. While I may not have the strength to minister to those around me right now, I do not always have to be the one to be ready to. I am humbled to admit that I'm waiting for G to refill my very own cup. But to know that He is here, for me, for my friends and my family, I am not afraid, no, I am not afraid...

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Strong Enough by Stacie Orrico

As I rest against this cold, hard wall
Will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had
been won
Only to find the war has just begun

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a life
time?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If 'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness , find the
strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again


Love comes first, action (not works) will follow. God loves you. Remember who you are.
---E