quote of the day: "you're the girl. you should know about everything in the kitchen."
blasphemy. cannot find time to explain, but such blasphemy. =P
blasphemy. cannot find time to explain, but such blasphemy. =P
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
a touch of kindness leaves me faithfully hopeful.
the last four days felt like four weeks. discipline comes with a heavy price. a price that you forget to include while budgeting your time, a price that you think will pay off in the end (though i am not refuting that of course), but there is such thing as "too much discipline." the past weekend, i spent every waking minute getting work done, filing out my fellowship applications for my summer plans and trying to play "catch-up" even though it's only the third week of the semester. i was so overwhelmed, pushing myself to my limits constantly. a week of emotional tears, sudden bursts of overhwhelming stress, should not be rehashed...oh geez, i'm just so glad it's over.
timing is so impeccable. the same day that i lost my scarf, and ALL my computer hw at 230am, i found a pink card from another princess in the mail. a perfect touch to lift my spirits. =) with the exchange of emails and IMs from other brothers and sisters, i feel so loved. and no, they weren't intentional chats, but because they wanted to check up on me...to see "how i was really doing." but come to think of it, the following day...i could only reflect back upon the "dramatic day" and chuckle. yes, that's exactly what i did. chuckle...i laughed at myself for being so dramatic; i laughed at myself for holding on to things that seemed to matter SO MUCH at that instant and neglect what i really got to live for; i laughed at myself for just being that me---that person who occasionally drifts into random acts of contemplative "whys." no way do i anticipate this week to be any easier in terms of workload, but maybe it's time to simply sit still, and reevaluate my sense of ambition...
what is the true meaning of being deeper still?
the last four days felt like four weeks. discipline comes with a heavy price. a price that you forget to include while budgeting your time, a price that you think will pay off in the end (though i am not refuting that of course), but there is such thing as "too much discipline." the past weekend, i spent every waking minute getting work done, filing out my fellowship applications for my summer plans and trying to play "catch-up" even though it's only the third week of the semester. i was so overwhelmed, pushing myself to my limits constantly. a week of emotional tears, sudden bursts of overhwhelming stress, should not be rehashed...oh geez, i'm just so glad it's over.
timing is so impeccable. the same day that i lost my scarf, and ALL my computer hw at 230am, i found a pink card from another princess in the mail. a perfect touch to lift my spirits. =) with the exchange of emails and IMs from other brothers and sisters, i feel so loved. and no, they weren't intentional chats, but because they wanted to check up on me...to see "how i was really doing." but come to think of it, the following day...i could only reflect back upon the "dramatic day" and chuckle. yes, that's exactly what i did. chuckle...i laughed at myself for being so dramatic; i laughed at myself for holding on to things that seemed to matter SO MUCH at that instant and neglect what i really got to live for; i laughed at myself for just being that me---that person who occasionally drifts into random acts of contemplative "whys." no way do i anticipate this week to be any easier in terms of workload, but maybe it's time to simply sit still, and reevaluate my sense of ambition...
what is the true meaning of being deeper still?
Friday, January 24, 2003
why.
i suddenly realized why i've been feeling this way---a sudden outburst of inexplicable passion. i'm suddenly standing at a cross-road, being tested again. no wonder people say we see Him most clearly when we are shaken. that feeling may not be so inexplicable after all. let's see how much conviction i do have. let's see how much i really do know about myself and my God. time to, well, um, just be.
i suddenly realized why i've been feeling this way---a sudden outburst of inexplicable passion. i'm suddenly standing at a cross-road, being tested again. no wonder people say we see Him most clearly when we are shaken. that feeling may not be so inexplicable after all. let's see how much conviction i do have. let's see how much i really do know about myself and my God. time to, well, um, just be.
Thursday, January 23, 2003
here in my heart, so close, i believe.
the amazing thing is that i can be so swamped with work, i can be so preoccupied with living an ambitious life, but somehow, i have this inexplicable overwhelming feeling that He's granting me all the freedom a young girl is calling out for---as if i have more of it, a feeling that i can almost sit back and simply...cry. it's just one of those days that i really feel like i'm sitting in His hands, bending over while clinging on to my knees. head down. it is the quintessence of praise and thanksgiving---the most perfect manifestation of a heart that gratefully fellowships with the One who provides life and all the gifts of living. In fact, a grateful heart is not only the greatest virtue, it is the seedbed for all other virtues.
my nearly 10-hr class day left me completely famished and tense; it is a semester that i pray for it to end soon, and it is only the second week. i sit there hours on end, listening to the morbid facts of life about AIDS, downfall of healthcare delivery, mortality rates, public health concerns, policy failures, history repeating itself.
i feel so small.
how can i ever do anything anywhere? how can i even think about possibly going to China to "make a difference." i feel so humbled. but when i retreat back to my claustrophobic corners of a very crowded dorm room, i am caught in the celebration of God. the power of music. there is neither room nor time for the invasion of negative living. as i listen before the Lord today, as i serve Him in the area of my calling, as i enter into the love that surrounds my days, i give thanks to Him for His kindness and faithfulness. i celebrate God.
the amazing thing is that i can be so swamped with work, i can be so preoccupied with living an ambitious life, but somehow, i have this inexplicable overwhelming feeling that He's granting me all the freedom a young girl is calling out for---as if i have more of it, a feeling that i can almost sit back and simply...cry. it's just one of those days that i really feel like i'm sitting in His hands, bending over while clinging on to my knees. head down. it is the quintessence of praise and thanksgiving---the most perfect manifestation of a heart that gratefully fellowships with the One who provides life and all the gifts of living. In fact, a grateful heart is not only the greatest virtue, it is the seedbed for all other virtues.
my nearly 10-hr class day left me completely famished and tense; it is a semester that i pray for it to end soon, and it is only the second week. i sit there hours on end, listening to the morbid facts of life about AIDS, downfall of healthcare delivery, mortality rates, public health concerns, policy failures, history repeating itself.
i feel so small.
how can i ever do anything anywhere? how can i even think about possibly going to China to "make a difference." i feel so humbled. but when i retreat back to my claustrophobic corners of a very crowded dorm room, i am caught in the celebration of God. the power of music. there is neither room nor time for the invasion of negative living. as i listen before the Lord today, as i serve Him in the area of my calling, as i enter into the love that surrounds my days, i give thanks to Him for His kindness and faithfulness. i celebrate God.
Tuesday, January 21, 2003
omigosh...omigosh...omigosh...
it read: "this is a little bit awkward but i don't want you to be the last to know all the way on the east coast =)...
congratulations!
it read: "this is a little bit awkward but i don't want you to be the last to know all the way on the east coast =)...
congratulations!
